With everyone from Obama to Walberg posting their own daily wellness routines online for all to see and live up to, I have to admit I am feeling a little self-conscious about my inability and general lack of desire to match up to these impossible standards.
These daily routine diaries have taken the internet by storm as the new fashionable way to inflict feelings of insecurity and insignificance onto the general population under the disguise of “Living your best life”
If these people are to be believed, my morning routine should look something like this;
Wake up at 5.00am – because that’s when all successful people wake up!
5.01 The sound of birdsong and rainfall plays through hidden speakers, ensuring you begin the day feeling at one with the earth and nature.
5.03 Spring out of bed with a smile and light some candles while expressing gratitude for a wonderful night’s sleep.
5.05 Commence shadow yoga routine with a clear mind and a healthy heart, focusing on drawing in positive energy from the perfectly aligned room, ambient room temperature and scents of sage and lavender coming from the candles.
5.35 Shower, wash hair and initiate full buffing, exfoliating and moisturising routine to ensure a healthy glow is radiating from me for all to see.
6.15 Watch the sunrise and write inspired poetry
6.45 Eat a wholesome, non-animal derivative, non GMO, no carb, no fat, no protein, no sugar, non acidic, no flavour breakfast and wash down with five pints of filtered room temperature water from a fully recyclable, organically sourced container.
Now, I thought I already was living my best life but before you all groan and say, ergh not another blogger who seems to have it all worked out, let me share with you my real morning routine:
6.15 Offensively loud alarm screams at me from across the room.
6.17 Unable to take the noise anymore, crawl across the room, keeping eyes closed, cancel alarm, crawl back into bed.
6.20 Try to avoid thoughts about impending day, secretly pray for a snow day or semi-serious natural disaster that would get me out of doing the school run while hiding under the duvet.
6.30 Peel myself from the bed, pull on the trackies and jumper that I find on the floor – open the door, fall over the dog, fall over the cat. Hit the lights, shout the kids and stomp down the stairs.
6.32 Put the kettle on, stick bread in the toaster for the kids.
6.35 Pour tea, take the tea back upstairs, shout the kids again, commence internal struggle over whether to crawl back into bed or not.
6.36 Decide to sit on edge of bed as a compromise.
6.37 Decide to lay on top of covers while checking emails & social
7.30 Damn, when did I get back under the covers?
7.31 Run around house, brushing teeth, looking for car keys, throwing food items at kids for their lunch, accuse the dog of making me late.
8.00 Secretly resent the perfectly groomed teenager, who is casually strolling to the car. How does she do that? She must have a secret team of stylists who swoop in every morning to transform her into this goddess of straighteners, lip gloss and mascara.
8.01 Catch my own reflection in car window… I have no words.
Looking back over this now, there are probably a couple of tweaks I could make to ensure my mornings go a little smoother. I am thinking along the lines of putting the tea bag in the cup the night before and turning my alarm down a little, so it is not quite so offensive – what do you think?
Nah! Just kidding, I know the best option would be to just book a taxi for the school run then I don’t have to do it! All my problems are solved.
Okay, okay so perhaps I am not taking this “best life” thing all that seriously, but come on, who really does those other things? I mean, 5am shadow yoga, pre-selected birdsong playlists on timers? Do you know anyone who is not either a) a celebrity or b) retired, who experiences mornings like this?
For anyone out there who genuinely succeeds in maintaining this sort of morning routine alongside all of the pressures of the average family and work life, not just once or twice but all of the time, you are my hero. I am honestly in awe of you.For the rest of us just struggling to achieve functioning human status, that is a perfectly adequate portrayal of a ‘best life’, in my book so continue forth as you are and don’t forget to ‘Live your best life’, people!
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